i’m deleting you from my phone just so i can hit you with a smooth “um who is this?” when you try to text me again
(Source: josilynnnx3)
if you’re ever trying to sleep and can’t it’s probably because I have a voodoo doll of you and I’m farting on it
I just realized that “pun intended” is a pun on “unintended” and I’m literally about to gouge my eyes out I’m so angry
This. Changes. Everything.
was that John Green?
how to break up w/ a girl
tell her you are moving to africa, then move to africa. live there for the rest of your life
MY MATH TEACHER SAW ME TEXTING AND MADE ME STAND IN FRONT OF THE ROOM AND HE TOLD ME TO READ THE TEXTS BUT I WOULNT SO HE TOOK MY PHONE AND READ THE LAST THREE ON THERE OUT LOUD AND THE FIRST ONE WAS “IM HUNGRY” AND MY FRIEND REPLIED WITH “HUNGRY FOR SEMEN” AND I SAID “TRUE THOUGH” IMGONNA JUMP OFF A BUILDING
how does this have 40k notes
im like horny for 30 hours a day
**correction. 69 hours a day**
thats just stupid theres not even 69 hours in a day
*rolls up the US constitution and makes the fattest most patriotic blunt ever*
i think my cat is allergic to cats
That sounds pretty
Catastrophici hope you get arrested for that
MAN I WISH I WAS HOT ENOUGH TO MAKE SOMEONE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED
mate